The Big Picture
- Black Phillip's beard in The Witch is the most terrifying beard in movie history, as it is used as a method of psychological warfare.
- William, the main character, is deeply insecure and Black Phillip's beard becomes a constant reminder of his own failures and deteriorating self-esteem.
- Black Phillip ultimately uses his demonic beard, along with his horns, to destroy William both mentally and physically, solidifying his reign of terror.
When you think of the most sinister beard in movie history, there are a few potential candidates that come to mind. Is it Captain Barbossa from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl? It's hard to go wrong with a good pirate beard, but he ends up becoming a good guy in the end, so ultimately his beard lands more in the charming category. What about Aaron's beard from Creep 2? Almost, but there are still greater beards in the world of horror to choose from, which instantly brings to mind the most terrifying beard to ever grace the silver screen — Black Phillip's (Daniel Malik) beard from The Witch. Now you might be thinking, "Hang on, you're telling me a goat has the most sinister beard in a movie ever?" Yes. Black Phillip is instantly intimidating as soon as he appears on-screen, no doubt a byproduct of the ghoulish, honestly amazing beard that drifts from his chin. With the hair that hangs from his jowls, Black Phillip doesn't just rock a stylish beard that anyone would be jealous of, he uses it as a method of psychological warfare.
If you're a big fan of modern horror, there's no way that you haven't seen or heard of The Witch. If you just so happen to have missed this gargantuan touchstone of modern scary movies, then consider this your lucky day. This 2015 horror film is the debut of one of today's greatest filmmakers, Robert Eggers, and follows a family in early 17th century New England as they come under the spell of a nearby witch (played by both Bathsheba Garrett and Sarah Stephens). Despite being the titular threat of the movie, this witch is only the surface-level adversary. Once you dig a little deeper, you'll come to find the greatest devil of the entire movie — Black Phillip's beard.
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A Beard Welcomes William's Downfall in 'The Witch'
As The Witch kicks off, teenaged Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy) and her family have been kicked out of their Puritan village over religious issues, and are forced to find a new home. There's always a chance that this dispute was over William (Ralph Ineson), Thomasin's father, having a beard that wasn't up to snuff with his Puritan brethren (even though the guy does have a pretty impressive set of whiskers), but that's beside the point. From there, William, his disgraced family, and their unsuspecting goat have to scrap together their things and make way for new frontiers. William's stress level, obviously, is at an all-time high, and even though he looks mighty pleased with himself after rolling up on their new settlement, we know that the man is secretly at an all-time low.
From there, things get going steadily at their freshly established settlement. William and his family build a new home, put their livestock to work, and welcome their fifth child to the fray, Samuel (Athan Conrad Dube). Just when things can't get any more stressful, Samuel goes missing, and William descends to his lowest low. In the background of all of this anxiety and madness, there is a four-legged little creature who, most might assume, stands no threat to his owners. The twins on the farm play with him, and even say that he talks to them — but hey, they're just kids, right? Eggers squeezes in tight on the little goat's face in a close-up, and we get our first good look at Black Phillip's ultimate weapon — his scruff.
The Power of Black Phillip's Beard
With William at this dour point in his life, it's obvious that Black Phillip used this moment to strike. I don't know about you, but as soon as this little goat appeared on-screen, I thought to myself, "Wow, well William doesn't have a beard like that, that's for sure." Surely, Phillip knows this too. After having to carry this entire farm on his back while poor little William goes off crying in his bed, it's obvious that Phillip eventually met his breaking point, and came to the conclusion that he'd have to take his owner down. But what can a simple goat really do against a giant like William? Phillip's horns are obviously a solid weapon of choice, but that might be a bit much. No, instead of sitting on top of his head, the answer lay on his chin.
Black Phillip's beard is a powerhouse of facial hair artistry, but not in some sort of giga-Chad fashion. You'd never catch Phillip at the barbershop getting a new beard trim or anything like that — even if it weren't the 1600s, you still wouldn't catch him there. Black Phillip's one of those guys who lets the wind take his beard where it may. He doesn't need to touch it up with eight kinds of scissors or subscribe to a service that mails out all the best beard oils every couple of months. Phillip's chin carpet falls at just a couple inches in length and a few less inches wide, with a few natural waves, and like his name, is a muted black — a terrifying design choice from Eggers. It's classic, it's a gift, it's simply Phillip. It should come as no surprise that Phillip's appearance set off a chain reaction of hipster bros who grew their own goat beards in the wake of The Witch's release. 2015 men shook in their boots at the sight of it, and for 1600s William, it meant having a total mental breakdown.
The One Constant in William's Life is Black Phillip's Beard
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William is a deeply insecure man, and amidst the ever-changing nature of his family's ongoing tragedy, the one thing that remained a constant in his life was Black Phillip's omnipresent beard. When your kids are going missing, family is being possessed by a witch, and folks around you start dying one by one, what's worse than also being a 1600s farmer whose masculinity is being demolished by your goat's kick ass beard? Even Katherine (Kate Dickie), William's wife, can't stand the sight of her husband as Black Phillip eclipses his owner's facial hair. Think of Phillip's powerhouse facial decoration like a hairy wrecking ball, always hanging in William's peripheral, ready to strike his self-esteem at any moment.
William attempts to be the voice of reason in his family, holding them all on to a sense of hope during this period of madness, but on the inside, he's feeling really sorry about himself as Phillip flaunts his demonic stairway of facial hair around the barn. His mental state rapidly deteriorates as he views himself as a failure of a father, a husband, and a man in general, and we all know the real reason why. It's a shame for William to lose his family, but what he's most worried about is the size of his whiskers. It's an unfortunate reality that not everyone can have a massive beard, but for William, that's the wrong answer.
Check Mate, Little Beard Man
After his family has been laid to waste by their own psychological undoing, William wakes up one morning to find his twin children are missing, the goat stable is destroyed, and his daughter is unconscious amidst the wreckage. His mental state is officially shattered, and just as his brain turns to a pile of debilitated mush, Black Phillip stabs him with his horns. It's a perfectly executed, long-form one-two punch from Phillip, using the beard as a psychological weapon over a long period of time, then going in for the kill with his deadly headpiece. Just before death, blood trickles out of William's mouth and down his chin — the ultimate calling card of his undoing. Phillip stabs William once more and rams him into a woodpile, laying both him and his inferior beard to rest. The night goes on, and even Thomasin ends up falling for Black Phillip's ways, no doubt a byproduct of this mammal totally overthrowing her dad. What a king. Total power moves from the goat.
There are plenty of sinister beards in movie history, but few have had as many ramifications as Black Phillip's. It's a tool of total destruction that Robert Eggers has used in other movies, but never has he weaponized one character's facial hair to destroy another's mind and body like this. If you're looking for absolute terror, look no further from the chin.
