Dear Abby: While I was going through some old papers, I came across a letter you wrote to me in 1984. At the time, I was 16 and suffering from the effects of several years of sexual abuse by my stepfather, and I was suicidal. You gave me sound advice: “Confide in a trusted adult and call the Child Abuse Hotline.”

I can’t recall if I ever thanked you, Abby, so I’m thanking you now. I did get help and learned that there are more good, caring people in the world than villains.

I’m now working on my master’s degree in teaching, and I work with homeless and abused children. I dream of becoming an advocate for abused children, because there are many in situations far worse than mine.

Although I wish I had never been abused, I have emerged stronger, more self-confident and more motivated than I might have been had my childhood been easier. Many of us need guidance when we’re stumbling in the dark. – Healed in Bainbridge Island, Wash.

Dear Healed: No need to thank me – that’s what I’m here for.

Victims of child abuse should know that help is available. The first step is to call the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453.

Dear Abby: I am 33 and married to a man 15 years my senior. I have never been happier than I am in this marriage. Alec and I were both previously married. He has three grown children, and I love them very much.

One son, “Sonny,” lives with us. He is 25 and very lazy. He refuses to do anything around the house to help, including cleaning his room. He can’t hold a job – every time he finds one, he quits. He parties all night and sits around all day watching television.

My husband agrees that Sonny is lazy, but says there is nothing he can do about it. I love my husband very much, but Sonny has become a big problem in our marriage. Your thoughts, please. – Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Sonny is clearly taking advantage of you both, but nothing will change until his father puts his foot down and quits being a softy. As long as he’s allowed to, Sonny will stay home and watch television. Your husband is doing his son no favor by tolerating his behavior. It’s high time Sonny got a job and found a place of his own.

Write to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Hollywood, Calif. 90069.