Being teen-agers, my friends and I naturally thought it was hilarious when our pal Ed Virgin said that if he ever had a daughter, he would name her “Ima.”

“I’m a virgin” — get it? Haw, haw, haw.

I don’t know what became of Ed but I hope he changed his mind. Or married a sensible, strong-willed woman. Or fathered only sons. No kid should have to go through life with so distracting and potentially embarrassing a name.

Growing up is tough enough with a “normal” name. Still, many parents whose sense of humor is greater than their sense of fair play force their kids to go through life explaining or excusing their names.

Like a woman I once met named Snow White. At first, I thought she was putting me on, or perhaps putting me off. After all, when you approach a woman at a party and she introduces herself as Snow White, you have to consider the possibility that she’s trying to tell you something about her moral character.

But that was not the case in this instance. She showed me her driver’s license to prove it. Although she had learned to accept the name and be comfortable with it, she had many a tale about the problems of growing up with the name of a fairy-tale character.

“Even now, everyone asks me about my dwarfs,” she said. I was glad I had not.

A LITTLE CREATIVITY IS DANGEROUS

That is not to say I think all females should be named Mary, Jane or Susan, or that all boys should be John, Robert or Michael.

I believe a little creativity is fine when it comes to naming kids, although I tend to be rather conservative in that department. Mine are named Joseph, Laura and Matthew.

Common as those sound, however, the only one listed among the 20 most popular baby names in Florida last year was “Matthew,” which came in fourth in the male division.

Judging by the two lists, however, parents tend to be more creative when they name girls. I was not the only one who thought so, either. As I sat in a diner having breakfast that day, I heard two men at the counter discussing the list.

“People are choosing real conservative names for boys,” one of them said. “But the girls’ names all sound like something you would name a cat.”

Odd and off-the-wall as his observation was, I couldn’t disagree.

For the record, the most popular boys’ names were Michael, Christopher, Joshua, Matthew, James, David, Daniel, Robert, Justin and Andrew. For girls, they were Ashley, Jessica, Brittany, Amanda, Stephanie, Samantha, Sarah, Jennifer, Lauren and Nicole.

See what I mean?

‘BUTCH’ FOR SHORT, NOT FOR LONG

Because Americans tend to be casual and familiar about such things, however, many people give as much thought to nicknames and diminutives as to given names.

When my mother objected to naming my baby sister “Ermelinda,” for example, my father overcame her resistance by saying, “We’ll call her Mindy.” And so we do.

Of course, sometimes the given name is acceptable, but not its diminutive.

When I wanted to name our daughter “Angela,” for example, my wife scrunched up her face and objected. “Everyone will call her Angie,” said Tina, whose real name is Christine. She likes “Elizabeth” but dislikes “Lizzie.”

Nicknames also can present problems.

During most of my early years, for example, I answered to the names “Butch” or “Butchie,” neither of which was suitable for a chubby pacifist. So when I was about 12, I requested that family and friends use my given name.

My 13-year-old son Matt, on the other hand, recently acquired the nickname “Gooch,” which seems to appeal to him.

But names are so subjective that we can’t really judge one against another. You may not like my name, for example, because you went to school with a boy named Ray who smelled bad.

On the other hand, you may have gone to school with a Ray who was bright, witty, considerate and attractive, in which case you probably think it’s a marvelous name.

And I would applaud your good taste.